Getting Married

Getting Married

If you're thinking about a church wedding, we'd love to help you plan it! Just ring the office, on 0191 251 4216 (mornings are best), and we'll arrange for you to meet one of the staff, who will do everything possible to make your special day go the way you want it. You might even think about holding your reception in church.

You'll probably have lots of questions, and whilst we'll be happy to talk about these when we meet you, there's a pretty comprehensive set of answers to ‘frequently asked questions' on the Church of England's website (www.cofe.anglican.org/lifeevents/weddings). You'll also find details there of the marriage service itself, and some suggestions for music and readings for your special day.

Supporting marriage

There's more to marriage than your wedding, of course, and you may be interested in reading about the Mothers Union, and their role in promoting and strengthening marriage and family relationships. Their website address is www.themothersunion.org

Marriage in church after divorce – a message from Rev’d Eileen Noble, Associate Priest

Here at your local parish church of St Mary’s we see marriage as a lifetime of love that grows within God's protection. But we recognise that some marriages  fail for all sorts of  painful reasons. So the Church of England accepts that in exceptional circumstances a divorced person may remarry in church during the lifetime of a former spouse.

If you are considering remarriage  in Church,  you should talk to one of the clergy team – Robin, Benjamin or myself, well before choosing a date for your wedding. Our starting point will always be that we want to offer you love and support. Whichever of us you choose, we’ll need to talk to you frankly about the past, your hopes for the future and your understanding of marriage. Our guiding principles in any conversation will be dignity, care and loving concern.

You and your intended husband or wife will have to consider some questions and think in advance about the issues they raise. It’s not a test you must get through, but you will need to be open and honest.

• What does marriage mean to you?
• What have you learned from your previous marriage?
• Has there been healing of past hurts?
• If you have children, how are they being looked after? What do others think of your marriage plans?
• When did your new relationship begin?
• Has either of you been divorced more than once?

You will also need to assure us that you are free to remarry, and to bring with you written legal proof that any divorce decree is absolute (not just a decree nisi).

We will probably ask for more than one confidential interview with you and your intended spouse together. In complicated circumstances we might feel the need to consult with the bishop or his adviser  before making a decision, although the decision remains with us. By the end of our meetings we will have come to a shared agreement as to the right way forward.

Whether or not you eventually remarry in church, your priest and your local church are available to offer you guidance and support as to how you proceed on life’s journey.

Even if it is not possible for us to conduct your wedding, there are alternatives such as a service of prayer and dedication after a civil wedding. So do come and talk to us.

Eileen